dude i'm inner monologue high
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
