Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
