Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
