Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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