he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
