I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
