I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
