So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
