If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need water and some morals
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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