Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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