They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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