I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
