just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
