I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
