wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
