I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
