Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
