Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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