dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Watching her eat just hurts me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
