if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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