I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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