this beer tastes like vomit already
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
