I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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