I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
