Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The air taste purple.
Randomize
