If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
