I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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