Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
