Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Randomize
