I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
