it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All the doctor said was why
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
