mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
