So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
