I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
