Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
