oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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