It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
