i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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