return my video game
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
