To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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