I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
