So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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