Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You can't special order awesome
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
