so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
