Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
