Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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