i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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