Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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