This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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