omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
