We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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