we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
